Tuesday, May 13

Plucky porker Wise caught with his snout and trotters in the trough

UKIPwatch shuddered nervously as it heard that there was a News of the World exposé on Tom Wise. What sordid sex secrets would be revealed? How many times a night would it be? Would there be pictures? Fears of a topless spread fortunately proved unfounded.

It seems that having innocently given a young lady work experience, Wise preceded to jovially tell her about how he takes full advantage of the European Parliament’s expenses system while at the same time admitting he hasn’t got a clue what he’s supposed to be doing.

Of course, the young lady on work experience was actually a reporter for the News of the World and, job wrapped up, the story, complete with undercover tape recording (how exciting!), was published for all to see on Sunday. Ooops.

Now UKIPwatch does not condone undercover reporting. It is deceitful and hardly the mark of a great journalist but if you don't say or do anything worth reporting then you won't be splashed all over the newspapers. And if you read the story it is clear that Tom Wise’s expenses are within the rules, far too lax rules that need changing, but rules nonetheless.

So why the story? It's probably because of the glee Wise clearly takes in grabbing every last cent of expenses for his own pockets while cheerfully boasting about his half-arsed approach to the job.

Having nonchalantly revealed that "Yes, I am milking the system, in as much as I'm overpaid for the amount of expenses I've had" he went on to admit "I don't know what an MEP's job is. No one's ever given me a job description. I've no idea what an MEP should or shouldn't do. So you make it up as you go along."

There is also the implication that Wise 'signs in and sods off' to collect his daily allowance, though UKIPwatch is slightly suspicious at Wise's claim that "You get here at 7am, you sign in...and then you can sod off." 7am? Bollocks, Tom.

The article also begs the question about Wise’s position in UKIP. The News of the World seem fairly certain Wise is no longer a UKIP MEP but then the News of the World is fairly certain people are interested in Lee Sharpe’s sex life (Kim Ryder apparently).

Following the story in the News of the World, Nigel Farage even dusted down his typewriter to distance Wise from UKIP who he asserted was now an Independent MEP. No one seems to have told Wise though, whose website remains in UKIP colours and maintains that he is proud to be a UKIP MEP.

Talking of Wise’s website, his statement in response to the News of the World article shows a level of conceit that even the very worst Apprentice contestents would cringe at. He first congratulates the News of the World for publishing the story and then shrugs off any question that what he is doing is wrong by saying he is merely highlighting the issue of expenses in the European Parliament.

Brave, brave Mr Wise gobbling-up every cent of taxpayers money (in the recording he claims to be making a profit of nearly £2000 a week from expenses scams - that's £1/2 million over his five year term) it is possible to squeeze and wring from EU citizens, while chuckling away at the fact he is still clueless about how to do his job.

But you remember this people, the plucky porker is doing it for you!

1 comment:

Charlotte Peters Rock said...

Trotters in the Trough

Become a politician
Buy the vote - stick in the pin
Trotters in the trough and snout in swill
Late Lordling with ambition
Taking all the public in
Ruling by corruption greed and skill

And here’s the way to gobble up the truffle
And there’s the way to greedy-grasp the cake
Hope no-one understands its no mere trifle
This murky-long career is on the take

Shout loudly of sedition
Blame the rest and lie to win
Servant of the public – mainly you
Colluding with rendition
Cover up in lies and spin
Keep your secrets out of public view

And here’s the way to gobble up the truffle
And there’s the way to greedy-grasp the cake
Hope no-one understands its no mere trifle
This murky-long career is on the take

Line up in competition
Public theft is no great sin
Change the law to make your theft ‘their will’
Creep silent round suspicion
Brass it out – take aim – begin
Blame the - rest and get in with your bill

And here’s the way to gobble up the truffle
And there’s the way to greedy-grasp the cake
Hope no-one understands its no mere trifle
This murky-long career is on the take

Expensive recognition
Means you ‘take it on the chin’
Trough and swill - and elevation too
Ermine-clad patrician
Still the cash and still the gin
Now the right to trade your title too